*BIG* feelings

 

We've had some big feelings come out in the last few weeks.  It has not been pretty.  And it is *hard* to respond in appropriate ways when my kiddos are taking those big feelings out on me.  I know I'm a safe person in my children's lives, so they're trusting me to be able handle it.  And in turn, it's my job to help them learn another way of handling their emotions.  This is a huge responsibility!

One of the ways I help my children process their big emotions after a blow-out is through coloring.  (It's important to also color during happier times, so it doesn't feel like a reward -- extra time to together after a blow-out.)  We sit down together and get it all out on paper.  Then I add whatever words they want.  I encourage them to identify the feelings they were having when they were so upset.  Sometimes it is very insightful!  

Here, Keandre shares that his tummy is hurting.  He deals with chronic pain and a VERY limited diet, due to his EE & EGE.  He is starting to grieve the way he can't eat like other children.

It has also been a very tough adjustment for him now that Daddy has a full time job.  Andy was unemployed, and working occasional contract jobs from home, for the last 3 years.  Now he works long hours M - Th, plus finishing up some contract work on the weekends.  Praise God my sweetie can tell me what is upsetting him so we can help him work through it!

Nichole, age 7, is dealing with adoption losses.  Her birthmother (also Nichole) has been out of state for a while, and she really misses being in contact with her.  These are normal ups and downs in an open adoption.  I'm thankful she loves her birthmom and that she is willing to talk to me about it.

I'm feeling worn out by all the craziness and acting out.  So I needed to draw also.  As I put it on paper, not censoring how I think it 'should' look, I found myself calming down.  I was reminded of the Cross, and Christ's gift of forgiveness when I don't respond the way I want to.  I'm so thankful for His peace and comfort, too!



Lucas doesn't spill his emotions in the same intense way, but this approach is still very helpful for him.  Here is a picture he drew last year after he and I discussed a problem he faces regularly.  He was frustrated and tired of sharing a room with his brother.  Lucas can spend a couple hours cleaning his room, and within a two days (or is it hours?), it is a disaster again.  After working through it on paper, we talked about some solutions.

If you are caring for spirited or wounded children, I hope you'll consider a little informal art therapy.  I'd love to hear how it works out for you your kids! :)

It's really hard to pretend you're angry when you're no longer angry. :)

(Pictures and info shared with my children's permission.)

Adoption Support 101

We were honored last week when Sharla, from Adoption Magazine (based in Canada), asked if she could share our post on supporting adoptive families.  (Click here to read.) 

Sharla's blog exists to encourage adoptive families, share the beauty and complexity of the adoption journey, and share information with those who are considering walking this road.  I encourage you to check it out!

While you're there, take a few minutes to read my friend Denise's post on failed adoptions, called Empty Car Seats.  She beautifully captured the roller coaster ride that is adoption.  Now I don't need to write that post myself! ;)

updating our adoption fund

I've been stalling on this, but it is time.  Our adoption fund took a hit with our failed adoption, and I finally updated it -- deducting the $3,100 we used.  Because we provided for all of this birthmom's needs for three weeks -- setting up 2+ months of room & board, and completing some of the legal work for the adoption, we needed to pay for those services.

This adoption loss was a painful experience for us, but thankfully, I can also say it was one without regrets.  After all, this baby is related to our sweet Keandre.  She deserves everything we could give her, and more.  We had an opportunity to be a part of her life, even if only for 3 weeks and before she was born, and we took it.  Regardless of how it turned out, Keandre and his birth family will always know that we believe God caused our paths to cross for a reason, and that we acted in faith when we were asked to be available for her, even though her birthmom later changed her mind.

We know through a relative that this precious baby will be four weeks old tomorrow.  We think of her often, and pray that she is healthy and in a loving family.  We know someday we will learn the rest of the story.  That is the blessing of an open adoption, and having continued contact with Keandre's first family.

Please know that your loving support has helped us to recover from this loss with our faith firmly intact. 

And yes, we still feel strongly that God would have us be available for another baby, and we can't wait for Him to show us what He would have us do next!

If you need some body/hair butter, please let me know.  If you need a babysitter for a date night, we'd love to help you out.  Just email us or give us a call. :)

so quiet....

I know.  We have been quiet around here lately!  Thank you for all the sweet emails, facebook messages, and thoughts and prayers for us after our adoption loss. 

Someday I hope to write more about losses in adoption.  We have now experienced three failed adoptions over the last 5 years -- each of them unique.  Failed adoptions are so often feared in the adoption community. 

For now, I want to simply reassure our friends and family that although I haven't been blogging, we really are doing fine.  We're just enjoying some quiet time and the flexibility of summer schedules. 

When we suddenly matched with this expectant mama, life went on hold as we helped her relocate, get set up with our agency, etc.  Now that the adoption is off, and we are finding closure and moving on, life feels normal again.  I like that. :)

I have half a dozen posts floating around in my head, and when I get a spare minute, I might get to post one or two.  Maybe. 

For now, I'll let you know that we are far from giving up on adopting again.  We have enjoyed a break from it all, but now we're gearing up to apply for a couple adoption grants & an interest-free adoption loan.  Then we'll start Parents' Nights Out fundraisers again, keep making whipped body butters, and do our homestudy extension, which is due in September.

We still hope that God will bring another precious baby our way, but in the meantime we're enjoying all that life keeps us busy with for now.  And trust me, that is plenty! :)