What would YOU bring?

We've been on a mission to downsize the number of belongings we own.  We are very aware that in this world, our possesions own us.  They distract us.  They require much of us -- our time, our money, and our devotion.  We talk often about how there are many people in the world who have only the bare necessities, and they do just fine and feel blessed!  And there are also those who have very little -- maybe not even a roof over their heads. 

Do we really need all this stuff?

We try to find creative ways to help this ongoing discussion feel relevant for our children.  Today, we discussed what we would take with us if we suddenly had to move away, and had only a few minutes to pack.  We could only take a few items each, and it was better if they were items that were very important to us, and not easily replaced.  While eating lunch and discussing our options, we each declared our top picks: 

Keandre, age 3
elephant & doggie (stuffed animals)
paci (his pacifier -- yes he is still addicted!)
gum

Destany, age 5 3/4
pillow & favorite blankies
'pics of me with Mommy & Nichole' (her birthmother)

Lucas, age 7 1/2
pillow, blankie, and ducky (a fav stuffed animal)
bunny rabbit (the family pet)

Kiara
computer (full of irreplaceable pictures!)
scrapbooks I've made for the kids
my wallet
(Lucas suggested I might want my cell phone.  Destany thought I might want some chocolate for the trip. :)

Andy
old pictures of family & friends (the non-digital ones)
computer hard drive (Good thought, honey.  Thanks!)

Before naming our items, we decided that we would each be able to purchase a few items when we arrived at our new home.  Here is what each person prioritized:

Keandre
a puppy dog  (A new pet?  Hmmm....I'm not sure about that one!) 

Destany
cd player/radio
board games & puzzles
a puppy dog (she agrees with Keandre)

Lucas
cd player/radio with a clock on it
a bunkbed from IKEA
a new fish and fishtank

Kiara
ipod
camera
Bible

Andy
Bible
a new bike (he's happy to leave his old one behind!)
a dishwasher (you think maybe he's afraid of living w/o one?!)

This conversation has been a great motivation to keep getting rid of stuff!  Today alone, we have compiled 10 paper grocery bags full of items to donate, plus a few bags to drop off at the consignment store.  And we have just begun!

Then, during rest time, Destany decided she has too many clothes and shoes.  She made a huge pile in the middle of her floor, and said she is giving them to our friend, Abby Tracy, who lives with and ministers to street children in Uganda.  Oh my.....what a blessing to see your child apply Biblical truths and hold loosely to her belongings!  (Anyone who knows her well knows she LOVES her clothes and shoes.  She is a little fashionista!)

Only for a Time (Keandre's story)

I have been avoiding this post for days now.  This one is a bit harder to write.  You see, we don't easily forget that Keandre is only ours for a time.  Keandre has life-threatening food allergies to dairy, eggs, and tree nuts, and has had two serious and potentially deadly reactions already, along with countless other less serious reactions.  We have to be very vigilant to keep him safe.

Keandre's first year was rough.  He struggled with asthma, reflux, and severe eczema.  We discovered his food allergies when at 3 - 4 months old he couldn't keep his formula down, and we couldn't find any formula on the market that he could tolerate -- even the prescription hypoallergenic ones.  Miraculously, he was able to drink donated breastmilk, and six amazing women who heard of our struggles offered to be on a special allergen-free diet in order to keep our sweetie fed.  

Keandre is doing much better now, having mostly outgrown his asthma and reflux.  But I liken the life-threatening food allergies to living with an unfenced swimming pool in your living room.  You know your child can swim, and that he knows to avoid unnecessary risks, but the danger is always there, and it is a part of your daily life.  That is just our reality, and we never know when the risks may change.   When Keandre was about two years old he collapsed and was rushed to the hospital by ambulance after eating scrambled eggs at someone else's house.  He had not tested positive to an egg allergy, which made his reaction even scarier!

Beyond all of that....  When Keandre was nine months old, he came down with a stomach bug.  At least that is what we thought it was.  He was an easy-going kiddo, and we did not think much of it when he threw up off and on all day and was not interested in eating or drinking.  We loved on him and went on about our day.  But late that evening, I hesitated just a bit.  Keandre was usually better by evening when his tummy was upset and his reflux acted up, but he was not improving.  I decided to call the pediatrician, since he was not eating or drinking yet and I was concerned he could get dehydrated.  When I mentioned his puke was greenish, they said to take him straight to the emergency room. 

It still scares me to think that I assumed they were just playing it safe.  I really didn't want to go in....what if I hadn't?  I wanted to cuddle my baby at home and focus on slipping teaspoons of liquid into him.  I was sure he'd be much better by morning.  Thankfully, I took him in, just in case.  Just hours later, he had emergency surgery, which saved his life.  Keandre and I lived at the children's hospital for the next 5+ days while he recovered from intussesception.  Incredibly, he had shown no signs of pain beforehand, which is usually the reason a parent takes their child to the emergency room in time to prevent serious complications or death.  I was scared of his high pain tolerance after that...afraid we would miss signs of something else serious.  (It was not uncommon for me to take him in for a well check and find he had double ear infections!)  We were also reminded that it was only by God's grace that our son had survived.

Rarely does a day go by that I am not aware of what a gift this sweet little boy's presence is in our life.  He is amazing, and such a character.  A class clown in the making!  Delightful.  Thank you, Lord, for Keandre's presence in our family.  And thank you for every day he is with us.  Please continue to keep him safe, and give us the courage to trust You with his future.

Only for a Time (Destany's story)

We have not had such a dramatic and painful moment with Destany as we did during Lucas' birth.  Instead, we have faced little challenges along with way that have, at times, worn us very thin.  But we had a very special beginning with Destany that has brought great reassurance during challenging times. 

Destany came into our lives when she was just three days old.  We received a call from our adoption agency asking if we would like to share our profile with a young mom in the hospital.  Instantly we knew....we just KNEW that we were supposed to be available for this little one.  We could have had concerns about the situation, but instead felt only peace.  In fact, I felt immediately that she was our daughter, and I will never forget the incredible joy that coursed through me when the agency director called back a couple hours later and asked how soon we could get to the hospital.  Nichole had chosen us to parent her daughter, and just hours later we were home with our sweetie!

A couple days later, I was napping with Destany next to me in our bed.  Andy came in to wake me up, and I started to weep.  I was thinking about how we had prayed for Lucas during his whole pregnancy, and had so much support when we were expecting him.  It was heartbreaking to realize that Nichole did not have that, and I was grieving for her deeply.  And then Andy gently reminded me that WE were praying for Nichole...even though we didn't know her.  Over the next few minutes, as we talked about this, we realized that we had started the adoption process the week Destany was conceived, and had been praying for her, and her birth mother, since that time.  God, in His providence, matched us long before we ever knew it.  We may not share Destany's genes, but God made it clear long ago that He brought her to us and has a plan for her in our family. 

Oh, how we adore our little girl.  She is our daughter, through and through.  We are incredibly blessed!

God has also allowed a very meaningful long-term connection with Nichole and her two young sons.  They are such a sweet little family, and we can't imagine our lives without them in it!

Only for a Time (Lucas' story)

Lucas was my first experience with preterm labor.  I was 30 weeks along, and having mild contractions every 3 minutes. For weeks we worried and waited, hoping our sweetie would not come early.  Thankfully we made it full term!  But during the last minutes of delivery, something went wrong.  Lucas was in distress, and we had to get him out fast.   When he was born, he was blue and limp.  Our friend, Laura, was our L & D nurse.  She whisked him away and frantically worked to resucitate him.  There was no one to explain to us what was going on.  All we knew was they were yelling for me to push him out, and now the room was very quiet.  Andy and I clung to each other, wept quietly, and prayed.  A few minutes later Lucas was okay, but we will never forget those moments when we committed our son to God and 'gave' Him control....choosing to trust Him however He allowed things to turn out.

Lucas is such a delightful little boy.  He is sweet, compassionate, thoughtful, creative, and he loves being at home with us.  He loves home schooling, and continually comes up with new ideas of what he wants to learn more about....what happens after an oil spill, how a CD works, and so much more I can't remember right now.  He loves to learn! 

We cannot imagine our family without Lucas.  We are so blessed!

Only for a Time

How often do we really think about the fact that our children are only ours for a time....loaned to us by God, to raise for Him?  I know I'm guilty of getting complacent sometimes.  I get busy with life, with parenting, with relationships, and forget for a time why God has grown our family the way He has.  He sees each of our children as the right ones for our home, our life.  He has equipped us -- whether we feel like it or not -- to raise each of these precious blessings for Him.  To be Mommy and Daddy, to teach them about life, love, and most importantly, about Him. 

With each of our little ones, God has been gracious enough to give us opportunities to remember that He is in control, He has a plan for them, and He loves them even more than we do.  Over the next few days, I will post these stories about how God has reminded us that He has chosen us to parent these little ones, and He is ultimately (thankfully!) in charge of how our children turn out in life.

I'd love to hear your stories, too! 

The Challenge

It has been rough around here lately with our older three.  We suspect it comes with the territory, because of the journey our family has been on for the last few months. 

Andy was laid off in November '08.  There is not much need for an architect in this market, so it has been an up and down road of learning to trust God deeply to meet our needs.  We have not been terribly stressed about finances -- just cautious.  But when Andy is able to get a contract job, he goes from being an active part of family life, and involving the kiddos in various home projects, to suddenly working long hours to meet a deadline and praying that this new client will lead to another job opportunity.  This wreaks havoc on family routines, for obvious reasons.  And me?  Oooh, that is another journey altogether.  'Take it easy' status, followed by bed rest, then sudden hospitalization & stricter bedrest, then no bedrest - but weak and tired, then 'Baby is here!'.  Ugh.  None of us have known quite how to 'normalize' that experience. 

For weeks now, we have been dealing with crazy amounts of whining, bickering, and sass.  Our best attempts at dealing with it have felt completely futile.  Last night, Andy and I were very discouraged.  It just seems that we have not been able to reach our children and deal with the heart issues that they are struggling with.

And then God brought Christine's blog entry to my mind.  To our knowledge, we are not dealing with attachment issues.  But we are dealing with children who feel a bit neglected, frustrated, and probably a lot of other emotions, too.  When I first read this entry, I thought it was a great idea, and I prayed for the MANY families who commented on her blog and took her up on her challenge.  But other than that, I was basically thankful that the more serious behavior challenges we've dealt with in the past, with the help of a wonderful Christian therapist, are not an issue right now.  But last night I was praying for our sweeties, and for wisdom for Andy and I, and I realized that is the level of intentionality we need in our parenting right now.  We can't expect to wing it on a daily basis and get great results when our family life has been chaotic for months now. 

So this morning we woke up, put smiles on our faces, and gave our kiddos lots of hugs and intentional, caring interaction.  We helped them with tasks they can technically do themselves -- like dressing, putting lotion on, etc.  We are calling them by loving nicknames, using active listening when they want to tell us something, and making sure they know how much we love them and feel blessed to be a family together.  We are changing the focus, and trusting that God will help us set a new tone for our family life in the days to come.  This is our chance for a new beginning as a family of six.  And we are ready!  We'd appreciate your prayers as we walk this path with our children. 

And thank You, Lord, for giving us a fresh start.  Please sustain us when we are tired at the end of a long day.  We are so blessed to be the parents, mentors, and nurturers of these four precious children!  Please help us to be good stewards of our time with them.

Our basic daily goals:
~lots of hugs and verbal reminders of our love for them
~as many positive and purposeful interactions as possible
~active play time with each of them, even if only for a few minutes
~family reading time (used to be a fav family activity)
~continue with consistent discipline and instruction

We won't be checking these off a list, but rather we'll see these as goals, and a focus to get back to when we feel that things are slipping. :)

Key phrases to avoid right now:
~Seriously....seriously?
~You've got to be kidding....does that ever work?
~How about your try that again with a little more whining....

Oh yeah....sarcasm has crept in.  And now we are cutting it out! ;)

Ready to work together now....

Too Much Stuff!

We have too much stuff.  And we've always known this.  But last Christmas (as in 1+ years ago) I was walking up in the hills behind my in-laws' house when I felt thoroughly convicted by the amount of 'stuff' we have, and how it is hindering us in serving God, serving others, and even in the messages we are trying to teach our children.  I returned home motivated to literally get rid of half of what we own.  Andy was in whole-hearted agreement, too!

But life got in the way.  We had five children at the time...then seven...then five again.  We were in survival mode.  I decluttered a little from time to time, but it was never the big push I really dreamed of. 

More than a year later, I am still very aware that our things own us.  We spend so much time caring for stuff, organizing it, moving it around.  What a waste of the time God has given us!  Lately, a Flylady quote has been turning around in my head.  "You can't organize clutter."  By this, she means you just have to let it go! 

When we lived in our old house -- the fun little 2 bedroom, 1 bath, 860 sq. ft. home that we spent the first 7+ years of our marriage in (with 2 kids, no less) -- we had a saying.  "Need it, or love it."  That was how we identified each of our belongings.  If we found something laying around that we didn't either NEED or LOVE, out it went.  We had a small house, small closets, and this was what saved us from 'needing' a bigger house once we started our family. 

Bigger houses are a trap for things.  Suddenly you don't have to be so picky.  Many people live with WAY less than we have -- or with nothing but the very bare basics to survive -- yet with our bigger houses we easily collect stuff here and there, with no regard for whether it's necessary to own these things or whether we really use and enjoy them. 

The last couple days, I've been working in the bedrooms with the kids.  Their bedrooms are clutter havens.  Their drawers, closet floors, under their beds, and everywhere else you can stuff things, is full of their 'treasures'.  Party favors, broken toys, bouncy balls, rock collections, shell collections, ripped papers that came home from preschool or Sunday School...the list goes on and on.  It has been wonderful to have time to just sit with them and look at what they own, listen to their thoughts on what is worth keeping, and watch them take in the message of stewardship and gratefulness and get rid of LOTS of stuff that was taking over their rooms.  I am so proud of them! 

Destany's room was a work in progress already, but here is a bit of a visual for what we just tackled today. She is loving the new look, and we're looking forward to decorating and getting ready for baby sister now that there's room to walk in there. :)

Tackle It Tuesday

Something that God has consistently laid upon my heart over the last few months has been stewardship.  I am often prompted to consider, 'Am I being a good steward of my time, money, home, etc.?' 

I love that we are preparing to welcome a new little one into our home, and He is busy prompting me to make changes that will benefit my whole family.  I am home a lot these days.  Between homeschooling, a not-so-easy pregnancy, and limited finances, I have fewer commitments than in the past.  Tackle It Tuesday is a way I hope to document my strides to bring glory to God through the little things -- like being grateful for my home, and keeping it well. 

As a quick explanation of Tackle it Tuesday, I used to read a couple of blogs that did weekly 'Tackle-It Tuesday' posts, and I was very motivated by these moms and what they accomplished.  So if you're looking for a little motivation of your own, here it is!  I'd love to know what projects you are inspired to begin!

This is the buffet in our kitchen.  It is also a great catch-all spot for....well, just about anything, as you can see.  I have been dreading this task but decided today was the day.  45 minutes later.....

Success!  Afterward, I rewarded myself with a 'fun' project -- putting all our Christmas pictures on display so we can enjoy them.  A relative gave us the idea of choosing a picture each night, talking to the kiddos about who the family is and why they are special to us, and praying for them together.  Now I can't wait to start!
 

(ps - No, I didn't also paint the wall in that 45 minutes.  The change in paint color is the difference in daylight and nighttime lighting.  No flash used.  Crazy, huh?)