ON HOLD

Yep, you read that right.  We're on hold.  Our adoption, that is. 

This journey has been hard, but so worth it.  We can look back with complete confidence, knowing we followed God and we were where we were supposed to be, when we were supposed to be there.  (How's that for a tongue twister? ;)

Important connections were made during each of our failed adoptions.  And God grew us and our children through each experience.   

We are always open to another.  But lately we've noticed a new contentment stealing in.  For the first time, we're not talking constantly about 'our next baby'.  We're at peace with where we are.  Four children is keeping us very busy right now.  And it's lovely to see that we LOVE having four children.  They really do balance each other out!

We will be a 'back up' or 'emergency placement' family for our agency for a while yet.  But it seems as if our drive to adopt, our longing for another baby, has disappeared for a while. 

I promise it's not because it was too hard, or because the journey scared us away from trying again.  Adoption is not easy.  But it is *always* worth it. 

We will adopt again in a heartbeat if/when we feel God is leading us that way. :)

For now, we're taking care of business at home.  We're putting extra time and energy into caring for Keandre's health (he's down to only 10 safe foods -- more on that later).  We're helping Nichole and Keandre adjust to new levels of understanding and grieving regarding their adoption stories.  We're pulling back from extra activities and making sure our priorities are in the right place.  (Always a work in progress!)  Best of all -- we have a peace about this.

And.....here's the awkward part.  The money.  Our plan for now is to hold onto that money until we feel clear direction on what is next.  It's possible God is just giving us a rest from the journey, and time to care for other needs.  We do know that if our agency called us and needed us, we would jump in wholeheartedly, and our children would be ecstatic!  If that doesn't happen, we're planning to donate the money that is currently in our adoption fund to a non-profit organization that gives adoption grants to families in the process and who are struggling to pay the legal fees.  (If you prefer to have your donation returned, please don't hesitate to contact me.  We understand.)

Phew!  I feel better now.  This has been weighing heavy on me.  Maybe now I'll have the energy to catch up on those body butter orders. :)

A few of you are breathing deep sighs of relief right now.  Seriously, I am so flattered that you keep coming back for more!  Don't worry -- I'll continue to sell our organic whipped body butters and chapsticks. :)  But for the time being, the money will fund other important family needs, like treatment for Keandre's health issues.

That place again

 
It's official.  We're at that place again. 

The place where what you thought was going to happen, doesn't happen.

Where you either get mad about your situation and give up, or you hang on and trust God. 

The day after Thanksgiving, V and her Dad let me know they are planning to keep the baby.  I had wondered if it might be coming, so I was not caught completely off guard.  But it was still hard. 

Three days ago, on Lucas' birthday (his one wish!), this precious baby made her appearance.  There was such happiness in his voice when V's dad called to share the news.  She is very loved.  I suspect she has her Grandpa wrapped around her little finger already.

We've been invited to continue in our friendship with this sweet family.  We are not sure what that will look like yet, but we look forward to keeping a connection with them.

Please pray for us as we walk this road. 

Please also pray for V as she begins her parenting journey.

This is not easy.  We are a little discouraged.  This was to be a designated adoption, which would cost us only basic legal fees.  Now we will work with our adoption agency and our fees will be $9,000.  Their fees are SO reasonable and warranted.  They cover counseling, a few birthmother expenses, legal paperwork, etc.  And we love our agency, so we are happy to pay for their services.  But it is a big jump for a family that just experienced three years of unemployment.  (Did I mention Andy just started a new job?  That is another post! :)

Thank you for the loving support and encouragement we've received from so many of you.  You remind us in these low moments that this journey is about much more than growing a family.

It's a girl!

 

Today, we are celebrating.  It is official!  Yesterday afternoon, we met with a beautiful young lady who has asked us to adopt her little girl, due the beginning of December.  V is from Togo, and she has not been in the states for long.  We had a wonderful visit, complete with a viewing of her brand new ultrasound pictures.  Baby girl was facing up, so they captured her precious little face, and a foot print, too! 

We have such a peace about this situation.  We were matched through friends, and it is very evident that God brought this young lady across our path for a reason.  We hope it is so we can adopt her little sweetie, and we have great hopes for a wonderful relationship with her, too. 

Such excitement around our house today.  The weather is changing, a baby is coming, and we can't wait to get ready for her.  We have so much to be thankful for. :)

so quiet....

I know.  We have been quiet around here lately!  Thank you for all the sweet emails, facebook messages, and thoughts and prayers for us after our adoption loss. 

Someday I hope to write more about losses in adoption.  We have now experienced three failed adoptions over the last 5 years -- each of them unique.  Failed adoptions are so often feared in the adoption community. 

For now, I want to simply reassure our friends and family that although I haven't been blogging, we really are doing fine.  We're just enjoying some quiet time and the flexibility of summer schedules. 

When we suddenly matched with this expectant mama, life went on hold as we helped her relocate, get set up with our agency, etc.  Now that the adoption is off, and we are finding closure and moving on, life feels normal again.  I like that. :)

I have half a dozen posts floating around in my head, and when I get a spare minute, I might get to post one or two.  Maybe. 

For now, I'll let you know that we are far from giving up on adopting again.  We have enjoyed a break from it all, but now we're gearing up to apply for a couple adoption grants & an interest-free adoption loan.  Then we'll start Parents' Nights Out fundraisers again, keep making whipped body butters, and do our homestudy extension, which is due in September.

We still hope that God will bring another precious baby our way, but in the meantime we're enjoying all that life keeps us busy with for now.  And trust me, that is plenty! :)

and so we wait....

  

Yesterday morning, as I braided my niece's curls into braids with beads she loves to click-clack, I prayed for the baby girl we would soon add to our family.

Khiana, age 2

Hours later, we received news that our adoption was falling apart. 

Same as before, we won't be sharing much here.  It is a private matter, and we want to respect the privacy of all who are involved. 

Several people asked, when we announced that we were officially matched, if this was the expectant mom we mentioned briefly in this post.  Yes, it is.  All that we will share here is that this was an unusual situation.  This expectant mom knows us -- in real life and through our blog.  We respect her right to do what she feels is best for her.  And we ask for prayers for all of us as we work through some grief about things not working out as planned.

A few thoughts about all of this....

Do we regret announcing our match? 
No, not really.  It is hard when things turn out this way.  But this is life...it is the road we are walking.  We want to live life authentically, even when it is hard.  We are blessed with amazing friends and family who understand the ups and downs of adoption.  They know that in the end, when God brings a baby home through adoption, he or she will be worth the wait. :)

What now?
We grieve and finish letting go.  We relax and take care of each other.  We talk about what we could have handled differently.  We help our children express their disappointment and reassure them that although we thought this would be our baby, she was not our baby yet, and sometimes plans change.

What is the next step?
We're not sure yet, to be honest.  We don't know if God is truly going to grow our family again, or if He just wanted us to walk this road again so we'd be ready when this particular situation arose.  But through this, God is growing our ability to leave that in His hands and not have to have every detail of our lives planned out.  (If you know me, that is HARD! :)

What about fundraising?
Since we don't know what God has in store for us, we will slow down the fundraising until we feel like we have more direction.  Some of you will be relieved to know that I plan to make the whipped body/hair butter indefinitely.  (I know this because you email me and tell me to please, please, not ever stop! ;)  For now, I will keep designating all profits for our adoption fund.  We will start up the Parents' Nights Out and other fun stuff again once we know if God would have us continue to save for another adoption.

Thank you! 
For your loving prayers and support as we excitedly prepared for this little one.  You blessed us so much!

2nd Parents' Night Out

    

We had another fun and successful night! 

Four hours flies by when you're caring for 16 kiddos. :) 

Our first PNO adoption fundraiser was great, and afterward my mind was swirling with ideas on how to make it even better!  So this time, in addition to everything I did before, I added in the following:

I asked the parents help us instruct the kids on a few guidelines for the night.

I posted signs on the back door reminding everyone to wear shoes outside.

And then take them off again when they head back in.

(It bugs me the feet are all so fair, so I'll be taking my own pics for next time! ;)

Everyone brought swimsuits, towels, and their own labeled water bottle.

Once everyone had arrived, Mr. Joe made nametags for them out of blue painter's tape.

All the plates were labeled with the kiddos' names (blue tape again).  I also had all the food prepped in advance so it was easy for Erin and I to serve dinner.

All of these changes helped the evening go relatively smoothly....as much as is possible with so many kiddos! :)

Here is a little of what we did:

We played with the food toys.

We entertained the baby bunnies.

We got wet!

I don't have any great pics from the last hour or so, but after everyone was in their pjs, Mr. Joe played his guitar so we could sing and dance.  There were fun & crazy songs, then quieter worship songs to help everyone wind down.  Then we dimmed the lights and watched a movie until pick-up time.  The kids were hungry again, so I was busy serving more bananas, grapes, & carrots.

Parents' notes regarding their kiddos:

Loves his cuddles.

Cute little escape artist.

Life of the Party

mother hen

Dramatic Leader

Sweet and Helpful

Friend of the little ones.

A little sensitive.

Loves to be held.

Button Pusher

Art/Drama Queen

Tends to run away.

Will want to take home a bunny.

Kids' ages: 13 mos., 15 mos., 17 mos.,

2, 3, 4, 4, 4, 4, 5, 5, 5, 5, 6, 8, 8

The tireless volunteers:

Erin, Anna-Lise, Joe & Jenny, me & Andy

Our next Parents' Night Out adoption fundraiser will be Friday, July 22, from 5 - 9pm.  If you're interested bringing your children, or volunteering as a caregiver, please let me know ASAP. :)

It's just two months...

  

Destany, 3 months old

...until another precious daughter may be in our arms.  Yes -- we are very excited to announce that as of this afternoon, we are matched!  The expectant mom is as sure of her decision for adoption as one can be, so we are excitedly making plans to welcome another sweetie into our lives in the near future.  She is due exactly two months from today.  Yippee! :) 

sweet baby love

  

Lucas & Destany, 2.5 years and 10 months old

If you know us IRL (in real life), you know we've been praying for an expectant mom who was considering choosing us to adopt her baby girl, due in about 2 months.  (We don't post details about potential matches -- only ask for prayer.  Thanks for understanding! :)

We were so deeply encouraged by your immediate outpouring of love, prayers for all involved, and a desire to help us fundraise to pay the adoption/legal fees.

It looks like that match is not happening after all, and we are grieving that, but trusting God with the outcome.  We know He has a plan for this Mama and her precious daughter.

Starting to get ready for this little girl to join our family definitely confirmed for us that we can't wait to adopt again.  Even our children were ready to jump in whole-heartedly. :)  Our local agency has very few waiting families right now -- they have had so many placements lately that they are at an all-time low number of available families.  So we are excited to put our energy into fundraising again, and we will be available as soon as possible.  In the meantime, our agency knows they can call us with an emergency placement if we are needed.  

My heart goes pitter-patter at just the thought of a call. :)

Oh, so easy.

Want to support our adoption fund while shopping for something fun for yourself?  Check out these links! 

We earn a 15% commission through Chunky Bling.  Their necklaces, bracelets, rings, and watches are beautiful! 



At Kelly's Closet we earn 5% on all orders through our button.  Kelly's Closet does not just sell cloth diapering supplies.  They also sell baby carriers, bedding, swimming gear, laundry detergent, skin care products, nursing supplies, and Mama care items. 



Truly Pure & Natural also sends 15% our way.  I recently blogged about them here and here.  Awesome company.

Our body & hair butter is now sold through Curly Is Cuter.  Check out Rachel's beads and beaders, snaps & barrettes, hair & skin care products, etc.  She has a huge assortment for sale, and you can do all that shopping from the comfort of your own home. Watch out -- don't get addicted to the hair bling! :)

If you want to grab our button and spread the word about our fundraisers, the html code is on our blog home page.

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Thank you, thank you for supporting our adoption fund!  It is humbling to see how many of you are supporting our efforts to bring home our baby.  Family, friends, acquiantances, and people we have never even met.  It is such confirmation of God's call for us to be available for one more precious child.  Even now, He is paving the way for him/her to be joined to us. 

Work is picking up for Andy, and if all goes well he will be able to fully support our family again in the next few months.  As soon as we are off partial unemployment, we will be ready to be presented to expectant Mamas through our local Christian agency.  We are so excited! 
(If you need a licensed architect for your home addition or other project, please let us know. :)

tears...

both happy and sad.

I have been struggling this weekend. 

While we usually feel strong in our decision to adopt again, there are times that concerns and fears creep in. 

"Will we be stretched too thin?  Will we be able to financially provide for the future of these precious children, who deserve all we can give them, and then some?"

Realistic concerns, I'd say.  But I feel awful for letting those fears get the best of me sometimes, in light of all God is showing us through this journey.

When it all comes down to it, we must trust.

Trust that our God is bigger than our fears and concerns. 

Trust that He provides for our needs. 

Trust that these little ones, whom He joins to us, are loved so deeply by Him that we can leave our fears at His feet. 

Then, the part I love.... 

Leaning on Him and the reassurance He gives when we need it most. 
 
The validation He provides that we are on the right path, even when the numbers don't add up.

The encouragement at just the right moment. 

The faith He infuses into our very being. 

Both of us.  A team.  Loving and leaning hard on Him.  Together.  (And what a faith-building journey this is!)

What if we believe we have everything we need to follow Him?

Overflowing with peace.  Deeply grateful.  A desire to run the race well.  And yes, feeling so excited again to meet the little one He is preparing for our family.

We are humbled, and honored, to have the privilege of walking this journey again. 


THANK YOU for supporting us through this. :)

new fundraising goal

Now that we have officially blown past our first fundraising goal, it is time to set our sights higher! 

We are already home study certified and approved, according to the State of Arizona (oh, high authority that it is) as an adoptive family, so the fees associated with our home study, finger printing, background and medical checks, etc. have been paid already. 

The first $1,000 we needed to raise is the fee that our local agency charges to be presented as a waiting family.  This fee helps cover the cost of pregnancy counseling that is received long before adoption is decided on.  

Now we need to raise approximately $6,000 more in adoption expenses, for a total of $7,000. 

While we don't want this blog to be all about fundraising, we are looking forward to filling you in on a new fundraiser we will start next week.  Watch for more information in the next few days! :)

humbled

  

This just in...

In just six weeks, our first fundraising goal has been met!

And I have been humbled.

It has been one of those days.  Today, I've wondered if God will ever provide full time work for Andy again.  I've wondered if we will always have to count pennies to make ends meet.  And, even if only for a few hours, I lost sight of my commitment to trust Him even when life doesn't make sense. 

It was with tears in my eyes that I read two emails tonight.  One from a friend who is so excited about our whipped body butter that she immediately bought $100 worth and said that she WILL be restocking regularly.  Another email came from someone we have never met.  He ran across our blog, read our story, and felt led to donate $200 toward our adoption fund.  We were speechless. 

We serve a God who loves us when we are overflowing with trust and gratefulness, and when we are weak, and our circumstances cause us to lose sight of His continued provision and faithfulness. 

As I consider all of this, I am reminded yet again that this journey is not about us. 

It is not about whether or not we have it all together and can seamlessly add another little one to our family.  (Not likely!)  Oh, we may be excited, but we are not naive.  We know there will be challenges.  We know there will be days when we feel weak, and need some encouragement that we are on the right track.  But that is okay.  We decided long ago that our lives were not meant to be comfortable, smooth, and easy.  Honestly, if that is how things feel, we wonder if we are really serving God at all, or just cruising along because we can! 

This journey IS about another little one who God will graft into our family tree.  A child who will soon become such a part of us that we will forget what life was like before s/he arrived!  And, ultimately, it is about bringing glory to God -- our Savior, our Father, the reason our family exists in the first place. 

I have confessed my lack of faith.  I am back in the game.  And I am thankful for God's gentle reminders when I get off track and lose sight of the fact that I don't know where He's taking us, but He does.   And that is what is important. 

Update:  Not 24 hours after writing this, almost $300 more has arrived in the mail.  That means they were sent even before the donations from last night!  Even after taking out $4 - $6 per tub for ingredients and shipping, that is a hefty addition to our fund! :) 

faith

 

Have you been keeping an eye on the fundraising thermometer? Amazing, isn't it?! In one month, we are more than half way to our first goal, and if we keep going at this rate, we will meet it by the middle of February!  This first $1,000 will allow us to be presented as a ready and waiting adoptive family while we continue to save the money to pay the legal fees.  We would love to pay that first fee and go active with our agency the first week of June, right after Brooklyn turns one.  Only four and a half months to go!  (Where does the time fly???)

But along with a growing sense of excitement, a bit of anxiety is creeping in.  We received some news from our adoption agency on Friday afternoon.  Our caseworker was looking into a few things for us, and she had a meeting with the agency director and discussed our situation with her.  The director decided that in order to be presented us as a waiting family, our income must be stable enough that we are no longer receiving unemployment.  This was a bit of a blow for me.  It was not a complete surprise, but it hit me harder than I expected.

Although Andy does odd jobs and architecture contract work (anyone out there need an architect?) to support us right now, there are slow weeks where we receive unemployment to help us stay on track with our mortgage.  The director is concerned about what would happen if that money was not there.  We know the answer is that God would provide...He always has.  But we also understand her position, and we respect it.  They need to do everything possible to ensure that children are being placed in stable families.  And although we are stable in real life (right? ;), we must also be stable on paper.  (I'm holding back here -- the sarcasm could be crazy! LOL)

Andy was laid off a little more than two years ago.  It has been a hard road, but also a very meaningful one.  We have learned so much.  But we would really appreciate your prayers regarding his job situation.  We know that God has a plan in all of this, and we want so much to patiently wait and see what He has in store.  We want to continue to stand strong in the knowledge that God has led us to be available for one more little one.  He has already done so much to affirm this as we step out in faith and obedience, and we MUST trust that He has this issue under control also.  But I am only human.  And 2+ years of unemployment and fluctuating income is wearing on me.  So I appreciate your prayers for us. :)

Body & Hair Butter

  

Whipped Body & Hair Butters ~ Luxurious moisture for dry skin and curly locks. These butters are homemade with organic, unrefined ingredients for maximum benefit for skin and hair.

I have been making these whipped body and hair butters to help raise money for our next adoption.  It's been quite the project!  But I am really excited about how they're turning out, and I've been getting great feedback from family and friends about the finished product. 

If you'd like to support our next adoption by ordering some, click here. :)