Wednesday, July 13, 2011

and so we wait....

  

Yesterday morning, as I braided my niece's curls into braids with beads she loves to click-clack, I prayed for the baby girl we would soon add to our family.

Khiana, age 2

Hours later, we received news that our adoption was falling apart. 

Same as before, we won't be sharing much here.  It is a private matter, and we want to respect the privacy of all who are involved. 

Several people asked, when we announced that we were officially matched, if this was the expectant mom we mentioned briefly in this post.  Yes, it is.  All that we will share here is that this was an unusual situation.  This expectant mom knows us -- in real life and through our blog.  We respect her right to do what she feels is best for her.  And we ask for prayers for all of us as we work through some grief about things not working out as planned.

A few thoughts about all of this....

Do we regret announcing our match? 
No, not really.  It is hard when things turn out this way.  But this is life...it is the road we are walking.  We want to live life authentically, even when it is hard.  We are blessed with amazing friends and family who understand the ups and downs of adoption.  They know that in the end, when God brings a baby home through adoption, he or she will be worth the wait. :)

What now?
We grieve and finish letting go.  We relax and take care of each other.  We talk about what we could have handled differently.  We help our children express their disappointment and reassure them that although we thought this would be our baby, she was not our baby yet, and sometimes plans change.

What is the next step?
We're not sure yet, to be honest.  We don't know if God is truly going to grow our family again, or if He just wanted us to walk this road again so we'd be ready when this particular situation arose.  But through this, God is growing our ability to leave that in His hands and not have to have every detail of our lives planned out.  (If you know me, that is HARD! :)

What about fundraising?
Since we don't know what God has in store for us, we will slow down the fundraising until we feel like we have more direction.  Some of you will be relieved to know that I plan to make the whipped body/hair butter indefinitely.  (I know this because you email me and tell me to please, please, not ever stop! ;)  For now, I will keep designating all profits for our adoption fund.  We will start up the Parents' Nights Out and other fun stuff again once we know if God would have us continue to save for another adoption.

Thank you! 
For your loving prayers and support as we excitedly prepared for this little one.  You blessed us so much!

15 comments:

Megan said...

Oh Kiara! Praying for you and for peace for your entire family. You are very loved.

Rachel said...

I am so sorry, Kiara! Definitely praying for your family right now and the mom you've mentioned. Sending our love!

Denise said...

{{{Kiara}}} Sending you guys so much love and many prayers.

The "Not-So" Empty Nest said...

I'm sorry for the disappointment Kiara. I know the Lord will bring you guys His Peace. I'm praying for you all.
xo

The Kinkel Family said...

Oh dears. I'm so sorry to hear this. I know that the Lord has a GREAT plan for your family, trusting in Him always brings peace...
xo

Timberly said...

So sorry Kiara. You, your family , and the birthmother will be in our prayers. Hope that you can all find peace and comfort while yougo through this difficult time.

rachel said...

Sorry to hear this! May you be filled with the peace of God during this tough time.

Jamie said...

I'm so sorry things worked out this way, though I know it is for a reason. This adoption rollercoaster can be so hard (and I say that with only being months in to it, so I know I know nothing of the rollercoaster yet. I do know, though, the confusion when you think God brought you a child, then plans change). You and your family, along with that baby, are in our prayers!

hiswife518 said...

</3 I'm sorry Kiara. I imagine it is a very confusing kind of grief. Prayers for and prayers for the sweet baby girl and her mama.

Runner Girl said...

Kiara,
I'm sorry to hear that your match did not work out. You and your beautiful family are in our prayers. God will continue to reveal His plan for you guys. We will also be praying for baby girl and mama.

kim said...

oh, kiara...hugs...
i have and will lift you all before our Father's throne...thank you for faithfully communicating your surrender to God's sovereignty. it blesses my heart.

Jenny said...

I just now saw this...my heart grieves and wonders with you. Trusting God with you for His plan for your family and the sweet baby.

Katie said...

((((Kiara & Andy & Family))))

Katie said...

also meant to leave this: (((baby)))

AdoptionMom said...

Praying for your family as you suffer the loss of this baby and for this dear woman who is carrying this baby girl. We ask the Lord to give her wisdom.
Hugs,
Moe

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