Hope and Life

One night, after babysitting Isaac (our little friend who lives with us), our new friend Nicole spent over an hour sharing the gospel with our girls using a special story book created for this purpose -- The Way of the Master for Kids.  I don't know anything about these materials in general, but this book explained God's Word, and the Hope we have in Him, beautifully!  I hope I never forget this hour of sweet conversation they had. 

treasure

Keandre, as he fell asleep in my arms while
fighting a high fever this week:

"Mommy, I love being your treasure."

Be still my heart.

Do you know you are the Lord's treasure?  Oh, how I hope that changes our lives the way our deep and sacrificial (human) love for our children changes their lives.

*BIG* feelings

 

We've had some big feelings come out in the last few weeks.  It has not been pretty.  And it is *hard* to respond in appropriate ways when my kiddos are taking those big feelings out on me.  I know I'm a safe person in my children's lives, so they're trusting me to be able handle it.  And in turn, it's my job to help them learn another way of handling their emotions.  This is a huge responsibility!

One of the ways I help my children process their big emotions after a blow-out is through coloring.  (It's important to also color during happier times, so it doesn't feel like a reward -- extra time to together after a blow-out.)  We sit down together and get it all out on paper.  Then I add whatever words they want.  I encourage them to identify the feelings they were having when they were so upset.  Sometimes it is very insightful!  

Here, Keandre shares that his tummy is hurting.  He deals with chronic pain and a VERY limited diet, due to his EE & EGE.  He is starting to grieve the way he can't eat like other children.

It has also been a very tough adjustment for him now that Daddy has a full time job.  Andy was unemployed, and working occasional contract jobs from home, for the last 3 years.  Now he works long hours M - Th, plus finishing up some contract work on the weekends.  Praise God my sweetie can tell me what is upsetting him so we can help him work through it!

Nichole, age 7, is dealing with adoption losses.  Her birthmother (also Nichole) has been out of state for a while, and she really misses being in contact with her.  These are normal ups and downs in an open adoption.  I'm thankful she loves her birthmom and that she is willing to talk to me about it.

I'm feeling worn out by all the craziness and acting out.  So I needed to draw also.  As I put it on paper, not censoring how I think it 'should' look, I found myself calming down.  I was reminded of the Cross, and Christ's gift of forgiveness when I don't respond the way I want to.  I'm so thankful for His peace and comfort, too!



Lucas doesn't spill his emotions in the same intense way, but this approach is still very helpful for him.  Here is a picture he drew last year after he and I discussed a problem he faces regularly.  He was frustrated and tired of sharing a room with his brother.  Lucas can spend a couple hours cleaning his room, and within a two days (or is it hours?), it is a disaster again.  After working through it on paper, we talked about some solutions.

If you are caring for spirited or wounded children, I hope you'll consider a little informal art therapy.  I'd love to hear how it works out for you your kids! :)

It's really hard to pretend you're angry when you're no longer angry. :)

(Pictures and info shared with my children's permission.)

Adoption Support 101

We were honored last week when Sharla, from Adoption Magazine (based in Canada), asked if she could share our post on supporting adoptive families.  (Click here to read.) 

Sharla's blog exists to encourage adoptive families, share the beauty and complexity of the adoption journey, and share information with those who are considering walking this road.  I encourage you to check it out!

While you're there, take a few minutes to read my friend Denise's post on failed adoptions, called Empty Car Seats.  She beautifully captured the roller coaster ride that is adoption.  Now I don't need to write that post myself! ;)

Just doing our part...

  

Okay, who are we kidding. 

We may compost, recycle, carpool, use cloth diapers, and have rabbits in the back that take the place of a lawn mower.

But we aren't quite that environmental.

It's just been one of those months.

You know....

That month when the water heater bursts a pipe, the car needs repaired, one AC unit needs expensive work done, then the other AC unit goes kapoot and needs replaced.  Oh, and did I mention the water softener also died?  Yeesh!*

I've heard of many a Christian family that faced excessive hardship before adopting -- just before taking a leap of faith and committing to another precious child.

Destany said it well a few days ago.

"Mom?  I don't think Satan wants us to trust God right now.  He is attacking us and trying to make us discouraged!"

Amen, sweet girl. 

But our God is stronger, more powerful. 

He is faithful.

As always, prayers for provision and protection appreciated.

2 hot & sweaty kiddos

*Note: this is why our adoption fund is separate from our everyday budget! :)

sweet baby love

  

Lucas & Destany, 2.5 years and 10 months old

If you know us IRL (in real life), you know we've been praying for an expectant mom who was considering choosing us to adopt her baby girl, due in about 2 months.  (We don't post details about potential matches -- only ask for prayer.  Thanks for understanding! :)

We were so deeply encouraged by your immediate outpouring of love, prayers for all involved, and a desire to help us fundraise to pay the adoption/legal fees.

It looks like that match is not happening after all, and we are grieving that, but trusting God with the outcome.  We know He has a plan for this Mama and her precious daughter.

Starting to get ready for this little girl to join our family definitely confirmed for us that we can't wait to adopt again.  Even our children were ready to jump in whole-heartedly. :)  Our local agency has very few waiting families right now -- they have had so many placements lately that they are at an all-time low number of available families.  So we are excited to put our energy into fundraising again, and we will be available as soon as possible.  In the meantime, our agency knows they can call us with an emergency placement if we are needed.  

My heart goes pitter-patter at just the thought of a call. :)

one hour

 

That's all it took for me to settle in and feel downright giddy at the thought of being 'alone' for the next 2 days (Brooklyn is with me since she's still nursing).  In fact, despite the fact that I didn't arrive at my little retreat until 10:30pm, and am in a perpetual state of fatigue these days, I was up until 1am.

It's just so peaceful here.  I couldn't help it! :)

I love these rare times when I can steal away and relax, think, pray, and seek God.  He is so gracious to show up and provide rest, refreshment, and new perspective.  I am still learning how to effectively balance life as a family of six, and I really want to slow down the pace of life a bit. But how can I do that when I barely have time to think?

This time away is probably the best Mother's Day treat ever.  Thank you SO much, Cathy, for the use of your beautiful home!  It is a treasured friend who not only knows my need for time away, but then gently insists that I take the opportunity when I can.  What would I do without you?!?

Thank you also to my sweet husband, who has the older three children with him.  He isn't just keeping them alive while I'm away -- he is doing all sorts of fun activities with them!  (Are you sure they miss me, hon? ;)

Now that I'm recovering from the craziness a bit, I am off to take my sweet baby out to dinner, then indulging in a little 'just for me' shopping!  Happy Mother's Day, my friends and family.  And for those who are still waiting to become parents, you are on my heart today.  Don't give up! :)

------------------------------
So, if you had a couple days to yourself for an in-town retreat, what would you do to rest, recover, and have a little fun?

test results

No fun and creative blog post here.  Just sadness for our Keandre.

We received the results from his endoscopy and biopsies last Monday.  He has been diagnosed with moderate Eosinophilic Esophagitus (EE), severe Eosinophilic Gastritis (EG), and mild Eosinophilic Gastsroenteritis (EGI).  This is not good news, especially since we are very careful about his food allergies and that is not likely to be the cause of so much inflammation and damage.  (When allergies are the cause, it is much more hopeful.)

There are no easy answers here.  This condition is difficult to treat.  Without a miracle, Keandre's struggle with daily stomach pain, reflux, and vomiting will not be over any time soon.

We are grieving for our son.  We are also trusting that God will carry us through this struggle and sustain us when we're worn out, like we are right now.  We appreciate your prayers.

One Dad's Thoughts...

  

I just had to post this.  It is one Dad's perspective on how God convicted him to be available as an adoptive dad when he was initially quite reluctant. 

David & Erica were in our local adoption group before moving to Florida.  I'm excited to share that God blessed them with the $30,000+ needed for this adoption (legal fees, agency fees, travel, orphanage donations, etc.), and they are in Ethiopia right now, waiting for the final document needed to bring their daughter home.

It has been a long year, full of faith lessons, tears, fatigue, and confirmation that God would provide in His timing.  And He did.  (He funds what He favors! :)

When they adopted Silas, God asked them to give up everything to bring their son home.  It was hard, but they did it.  Huge financial sacrifices.  They would be the first to say it was well worth it.

This time, He asked them to humble themselves and ask others to come alongside them to help bring their daughter home.  They obeyed.  He blessed.  Precious Zahra will be home soon!

To follow their journey to child number five, check out their family blog here.

ps - Although I think it's clear that God calls all of us to care for orphans, adoption is not the only way to care.  How is He calling you to care? :)

tears...

both happy and sad.

I have been struggling this weekend. 

While we usually feel strong in our decision to adopt again, there are times that concerns and fears creep in. 

"Will we be stretched too thin?  Will we be able to financially provide for the future of these precious children, who deserve all we can give them, and then some?"

Realistic concerns, I'd say.  But I feel awful for letting those fears get the best of me sometimes, in light of all God is showing us through this journey.

When it all comes down to it, we must trust.

Trust that our God is bigger than our fears and concerns. 

Trust that He provides for our needs. 

Trust that these little ones, whom He joins to us, are loved so deeply by Him that we can leave our fears at His feet. 

Then, the part I love.... 

Leaning on Him and the reassurance He gives when we need it most. 
 
The validation He provides that we are on the right path, even when the numbers don't add up.

The encouragement at just the right moment. 

The faith He infuses into our very being. 

Both of us.  A team.  Loving and leaning hard on Him.  Together.  (And what a faith-building journey this is!)

What if we believe we have everything we need to follow Him?

Overflowing with peace.  Deeply grateful.  A desire to run the race well.  And yes, feeling so excited again to meet the little one He is preparing for our family.

We are humbled, and honored, to have the privilege of walking this journey again. 


THANK YOU for supporting us through this. :)

three new reads

My new books have arrived.  (Yeah for Christmas money!)

Crazy Love -
Overwhelmed by a Relentless God 

By Francis Chan

Forgotten God -
Reversing our Tragic Neglect of the Holy Spirit

By Francis Chan

One Thousand Gifts -

A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are

By Ann Voskamp








Have you read any of these? 

What did you think? 

I can't wait to dive in.
 

faith

 

Have you been keeping an eye on the fundraising thermometer? Amazing, isn't it?! In one month, we are more than half way to our first goal, and if we keep going at this rate, we will meet it by the middle of February!  This first $1,000 will allow us to be presented as a ready and waiting adoptive family while we continue to save the money to pay the legal fees.  We would love to pay that first fee and go active with our agency the first week of June, right after Brooklyn turns one.  Only four and a half months to go!  (Where does the time fly???)

But along with a growing sense of excitement, a bit of anxiety is creeping in.  We received some news from our adoption agency on Friday afternoon.  Our caseworker was looking into a few things for us, and she had a meeting with the agency director and discussed our situation with her.  The director decided that in order to be presented us as a waiting family, our income must be stable enough that we are no longer receiving unemployment.  This was a bit of a blow for me.  It was not a complete surprise, but it hit me harder than I expected.

Although Andy does odd jobs and architecture contract work (anyone out there need an architect?) to support us right now, there are slow weeks where we receive unemployment to help us stay on track with our mortgage.  The director is concerned about what would happen if that money was not there.  We know the answer is that God would provide...He always has.  But we also understand her position, and we respect it.  They need to do everything possible to ensure that children are being placed in stable families.  And although we are stable in real life (right? ;), we must also be stable on paper.  (I'm holding back here -- the sarcasm could be crazy! LOL)

Andy was laid off a little more than two years ago.  It has been a hard road, but also a very meaningful one.  We have learned so much.  But we would really appreciate your prayers regarding his job situation.  We know that God has a plan in all of this, and we want so much to patiently wait and see what He has in store.  We want to continue to stand strong in the knowledge that God has led us to be available for one more little one.  He has already done so much to affirm this as we step out in faith and obedience, and we MUST trust that He has this issue under control also.  But I am only human.  And 2+ years of unemployment and fluctuating income is wearing on me.  So I appreciate your prayers for us. :)

Trust

  

Creation Groans from Christian Alliance for Orphans on Vimeo.

Trust is believing that GOD will tell us when our family is complete.  

It is believing that His plans for our family are good, even if they challenge us. 

Trust is leaning on the knowledge that He will provide.  

It is asking Him for the courage to follow wherever He takes us.  

Trust is teaching our children that God is good, all the time, and that WE are part of the answer to the orphan crisis. 

Every one of us. 

No matter what role He gives us. :)

Glory to God!

  

I love the Livesay family.  Okay, so I don't actually know them personally, and maybe I'm using that word a little loosely, but....  We follow their blog, and I absolutely love the way their family is so REAL.  Troy and Tara have seven children.  They regularly share the ins and outs of serving and loving the beautiful people of Haiti through Heartline Ministries and WorldWide Village.  They speak openly about what it means to serve God in the hard places, and share His grace and hope with those living in desperate poverty.  And there is no pretense -- along with the adventures and the joy, they are real about the struggles and doubts that we all face in our journeys to live for God and bring glory to Him in imperfect world.  Oh, and did I mention that their little ones fight?  Ah, yes.  Real.

Our children have friends who were adopted from Haiti.  Sometimes I share the Livesay's blog posts with our kiddos.  We talk about the realities of life in Haiti, and pray about the situations shared.  Sometimes a post is hilarious, and we all crack up together.  Like this year's Christmas video:


  
Other posts, like last year's Christmas video, spark meaningful conversations. 



Our sweet girl has the whole song (a Troy original) memorized. It is precious listening to her sing her heart out in unison with Hope, the Livesay's middle daughter.

She listens to it over, and over, and over, and.....  It's okay.  I think I could listen to it a hundred more times before I'm tired of it.  That should be at least 3 days from now, right?

ps - Troy and Tara are supported by donors.  Check out their blog if you're interested in getting involved.

cherry on top

 

I've talked a little in the past about the many blessings of a healthy open adoption.  But it's important to realize that open adoptions do not remove the normal grieving process that most children experience as they begin to understand the losses they have experienced along with the blessings. 

Destany and I are writing this post together, to share some analogies that describe our contact with her birth family, whom she adores and often wishes she could see every week.

1)  Our family life is like a hot fudge sundae.  It is good all on its own, and we are very blessed to have each other.  When we spend time with Destany's birth family, they are the cherry on top!  They make it just that much better.  But when time together is not possible, whatever the reason, we let ourself feel sad, then try to also appreciate the many blessings we still have.

2)  Destany also suggested that her birth mother is like a headband.  When Destany has a beautiful hair style, she celebrates it!  But no matter how pretty her braids or twists are, she always thinks she looks prettier with a headband.  It is the little extra that makes her smile.

3)  Birth family is like flowers in a colorful vase.  The vase is beautiful and precious all on its own.  But those flowers sure do accent it well!

We had fun coming up with lots of other silly analogies, but you'll have to ask us in person about those!  For now, I'm just thankful that God has blessed us with ideas for creative ways to work through some sad feelings.  As I tucked her into bed tonight, my sweet daughter was cuddly, delighting in these quiet moments together, and feeling very loved.  And I am praising the Lord for His grace, healing, and presence in our lives. 

Orphan Sunday

 

For God So Loved - OS from Christian Alliance for Orphans on Vimeo.

quiet

I know, I've been a little quiet lately.  There just hasn't been a lot to share.  Unless you want to hear how hard our days have been lately, or about the discipline issues we're having.  About the anger rut two of my children seem to be stuck in.  Hard stuff.  Painful stuff.  And I haven't always handled it with the love and patience I like to think I have. 

It has been especially hard over the last 5 days because Andy has been gone from early morning until after dinner.  He was helping my brother and sister-in-law put on a huge plant sale (more on that later).  It's a busy weekend as he works 12 hour days alongside them.  Which means I've been on my own with the kids a lot....even though I've been at my wit's end with them. 

I've spent a lot of time praying, asking begging God to renew me, give me compassion and patience even when I'm exhausted.  It felt like He wasn't answering.  I felt powerless to pull us out of this ickiness.  Until late this morning, that is. 

I was talking with the kids about our last few days.  We were gathered in a circle on the living room floor, just hanging out, and I John 1:9 came to mind.  "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness."  Oh, how I needed that reminder.  My kids, too.  We talked, we prayed together, we confessed our sins to God and each other.  And then we started over. 

Has it been happy-go-lucky, tulips and daffodils since then?  No way.  One child has been throwing up every half hour.  Another spent 20 minutes sobbing in my arms, grieving part of her adoption journey, and another is as mischevious as ever (although with a little more softness in his eyes).  But we're hanging in here.  God is giving me a little more of that elusive patience I've been longing for.  He's allowed me to see my children with fresh eyes, with a persevering love that will take what's given, and work with it.  I am so, so grateful. 

I've gotta go now.  I need to unpack that suitcase that I'd imagined in my mind.  And cancel the week-long stay at a plush resort that I dreamed up.  I'm going to stay right here, trusting that I can do this the rest of today.  And maybe tomorrow.  One crazy, painful, chaotic hour at  a time.

Bountiful Baskets

We've been enjoying fresh fruits and vegetables, purchased through the Bountiful Baskets co-op.  Can you believe all of this came in one basket?  And is that not the biggest mango you have ever seen???  The produce is usually locally grown or sustainably farmed, and we choose the organic basket for health and environmental reasons.

Today's basket was such a blessing.  Although we're definitely sold on the value and quality of the produce, we've passed on ordering the last few weeks.  We just couldn't squeeze one more thing out of the budget.  And then I received an email from Cate.  Cate had a giveaway on her blog recently, and she asked her readers to leave comments sharing what they are doing to stretch their budgets in these tough times.  I mentioned how much we are saving through cloth diapering, and when she did the drawing, I won! 

I needed this kind of encouragement this week.  It's like a whisper from God, a reminder that He is caring for us, even in this tough season.  We continue to pray for a job for Andy (anyone out there in bloggerland need a talented and dedicated architect? :), and in the meantime, God is showing Himself faithful.  Day by day....little by little. 

How have you been blessed lately?  :)

Discouraged

This parenting stuff is tough.  Ongoing.  Endless. 
Been re-reading this post.  And trusting that God will give us wisdom. 

family worship

One of my favorite loving and teaching moments of the whole week is when we worship together as a family.  At church on Sunday morning, our children stay with us until just before the sermon begins.  We sing together, pray together, and always...always!...Andy and I have children in our arms and all around us.  Our four, and often one or two extra -- neighbors, birth siblings, etc.  We love on them, explain the meaning of the songs we're singing, and encourage them to sing along.  When their voices lift in song with us, it is beautiful!

Our family worship began long ago, when we were expecting Lucas.  I remember tearing up in wonder, singing along as Lucas would kick and move inside me.  As an infant, we kept him in with us right from the beginning, and I regularly lifted him up in prayer while standing before our Lord in worship.  Naturally, this continued with each child.  When Marcel & Mya were living with us, this time took on new meaning.  I would hold them close, praying over them, sharing the meaning of the words and explaining the joy on the faces around them.  God used those Sunday mornings to bring moments of peace and bonding during a busy year of having five children ages 1 - 6.  Those times were also their first exposure to believers coming together in this way, to worship together.

We are incredibly blessed to live in a country that allows us to praise God openly, without persecution.  May we never take this for granted!