Have I ever told you about.....?

     

Two of our sweeties can be rather challenging.*

One precious child struggles, at the heart level, to fully trust us to meet needs, to be safe and trustworthy, to love no matter what.  There is a deep need to control the surrounding environment.  It is hard.

Another is strong-willed.  Desiring to keep us on our toes.  Arguing with pretty much everything we say.  Delightful, I know.  We choose to believe it's a stage. :)

When our kiddos were a little younger, there were days that I called my mom, in tears, fearing deeply that I may not be able to help my child's heart heal.  I was anxious about the depth of the battle.  I longed to love without conflict, yet unsure of how to do that. 

Cue the hallelujah chorus.

My mom, experienced Mama that she is (four kids in six years!), gave us one of the best parenting tips ever.  It takes the distraction tactic to a new level.  It helps avoid those silly little battles that don't need to happen.  It has saved many a morning around here when one child seemed determined to sabotage the day for everyone.  And here is how it works.  (Yes, I am sharing this little gem for free! ;)

Mama:  "Hey sweetie, it's time to go to the bathroom.  We're leaving soon."
Child:  "I don't need to go!"
Mama:  "That's okay.  You don't have to go -- you just need to try."
Child:  "I don't want to!  I already went a while ago."
(You can see where this is going, right?  Ugh.  Been there, done that.  Not getting anywhere that way.)

Let's try this again....

Mama: "Hey sweetie, it's time to go to the bathroom. We're leaving soon."
Child: "I don't need to go!"
Mama:  "Hey, have I ever told you about ANTEATERS?  Can you believe there is a type of animal that actually eats bugs?  Crazy, huh.  Are you hungry for ants?  I bet I could catch some for our morning snack.  Ha, ha, ha...."

Meanwhile, Mom takes the child by the hand and nonchalantly walks toward the bathroom while filling the child in on the amazing anteater.  Getting there, she helps the child onto the potty, and keeps on talking.  Child cooperates.  Child does not seem to notice that s/he has been had.  Or child does not care, and chooses to bask in the positive (rather than negative!) attention. 

AMAZING.  Life-changing for us.  I dare you to try it! 

This also works with getting shoes on, cleaning up toys (hand the child toys to toss into the tub while you chat), getting in the bathtub, etc.  The main trick is to be calm, keep it interesting, and keep on talking, engaging them as you go along.  And don't talk about the battle they just tried to start.  Just keep on going.  (Deal with those heart issues when your child is in a better mood.  I promise, your conversation will be much more effective that way!)

My problem was Mommy Brain.  You know....that tiny little issue where formerly intelligent women struggle to string two coherant thoughts together.  I loved this idea, but wondered how in the world I'd put it into practice on the days when I really needed it.  Those days when I'm wiped out, tired of the battles, and just trying to keep it together. 

Again, my Mom came through for me.  The alphabet.  Come on -- tell me you didn't wonder why in the world I started with Anteaters.  When I use this tactic, I start with the letter A and quickly scan through.  The first semi-intriguing topic that pops into my head is the one I go with.  Alligators?  The beach?  Falling stars?  You betcha. 

Okay, now it's your turn.  Try this out, and tell me how it goes.  If you love it, I'll pass along the thank-yous to my Mom. :)

And please feel free to share your sanity saver parenting tips, too!  Goodness knows we can all use new ideas from time to time.

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*Did you know that a terribly stressful and conflicted pregnancy can change the way a child's brain develops? Our bodies are so intricately designed! Although healing truly is possible, it does not happen overnight, and it takes some pretty intentional parenting. More on that another day.